The Kansas City Chiefs Are Just the Worst

Yesterday was the first time in nine years that the New England Patriots did not participate in the AFC Championship Game. The last time the Pats were playing on conference championship weekend? The Jets led by Mark Sanchez, Shonn Greene and Rex Ryan's affinity for female feet lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers 24-19. Since then the last eight AFCCG have included the Patriots they include two games against the Ravens, two against the Broncos, one against the Colts, Steelers, Jaguars and of course last year beating the Chiefs in overtime.

And let me just say, thank god the Patriots won that game. Why? Because the Kansas City Chiefs are insufferable and just the worst. Maybe it's just bitterness as a Patriots fan hearing and reading about how the end of the Patriots dynasty is nigh and not wanting to face the music that Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes are the next Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. But I am sure the Romans said the same things about the barbarians that sacked their city and ended their empire "Ugh, these guys are just the worst." Except obviously they said that in latin.

So without further delay here are my reasons as to why the Kansas City Chiefs are in fact just the worst.

The Fans

I am sure many New Englanders picture Chiefs fans as they would say St. Louis Cardinals fans. Wholesome, hospitable people who welcome you to their stadium the way the people of Jerusalem welcomed Jesus of Nazareth. In fact that's completely wrong. And don't get me wrong I can appreciate that for a football game. Football is a nasty sport, there is no time to be nice to one another and Arrowhead does not become notoriously known as a nightmare place for road opponents without that. And look I'm sure there are people that would say Gillette is no picnic. I am sure there are Buffalo Bills fans that would say Gillette is a cesspool of humanity's worst. That you would not find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

When I went to last seasons AFCCG it started when someone leaned over my shoulder mid national anthem and said "Welcome to Arrowhead Fucker" I didn't catch his name or twitter handle but I bet he was against Kaepernick kneeling for the anthem but not for trying to intimidate opponents in the middle of it. The guy next to me 2 minutes later accused me of being in his seat, granted we were standing. He was clearly drunk and eventually switched with his friend who then complimented me on my manners during the game. I was also elbowed in the head to which the man behind me apologized profusely till later in the game after Sony Michel scored a late go ahead TD on 4th down said "I wish I had fucking hit him harder." Even the fans at NFL games have to be wary to concussions. And I also had ice cubes chucked at me, missed and hit my then fiancé in the face. I'm not asking for an apology, we ended up winning in OT, ripping their hearts out and there was nothing better than walking out of Arrowhead past all of those silent sad faces while high-fiving and hugging every Patriots fan there was loudly saying "This never gets old!" knowing full well these Chiefs fans don't even know what "this" is.

What really drives me nuts about the Chiefs fans however is how they have this sense of entitlement while not actually earning a damn thing. Sorry but I don't remember Colts fans being this bad, Steelers fans, Colts fans, hell even Bronco's fans and I live among them! Ravens fans suck pretty bad I'll give you that. But wow do Chiefs fans act as though they're already on the Patriots level. As though it's been a back and forth battle between the two franchises for the last 20 years. And part of me gets it. It's the NFL, for the other 31 franchises usually your super bowl window is narrow and you're good for a short period of time, better make the most of it. Someday when Belichick and Brady have moved on from Football and Robert Kraft has moved to another plane of existence and his son is running the team we will act excited and entitled any time we make it to an AFC Championship game for the first time in 20 years. I had a Patriots hater tell me the other day that the Chiefs are the new dynasty. My response was no first you have to win a Super Bowl, and then another, and another and another and another and another... But Chiefs fans believe they are already a dynasty. Patrick Mahomes' girlfriend (more on her later) is already saying Patrick will be better than Brady could ever dream of being. This is the type of lunacy we are dealing with here.

2) Travis Kelce

"He's just such a .... douchebag"

- My Mother

My own Mom said that yesterday about Travis Kelce. My Mom is strong about her opinions and isn't afraid to share them but I am pretty sure that's the first time I have ever heard her call someone a douchebag. But hey she hit it right on the head. Travis Kelce is just a douchebag. What sucks is how insanely talented he is, the problem is he isn't an exactly "my play does the talking for me" type of guy. There's a good line from Rick and Morty that reminds me of Travis Kelce.

"When you're an asshole it doesn't matter how right you are, no one wants to give you the satisfaction."

That's Travis Kelce in a nutshell, we all know he's incredibly talented and arguably the best tight end in football, no one wants to give him that because he's just so insufferable.

The worst part about Kelce though might be how he so badly wants to be Rob Gronkowski. I'm not sure if his brain is just always wired to insufferable asshole or if he thinks it's funny and that he's acting like Gronk but their AFCCG win proved to the world how hard he is trying to be Gronk.

Dude no one is questioning Mahomes' greatness, he is a transcendent talent. Please tell me who is saying Mahomes is not among the NFL's greatest quarterbacks? This isn't like the Ravens players trying to hype up Lamar Jackson who still during this season and especially after a second dud performance in the playoffs has a ton of doubters. This wasn't news, or new or even like "wow Travis Kelce sure stands with and loves his quarterback." He just wanted to get his face on tv and feel cool by dropping the word "fuck" on national television. Which I'm sorry dude but ever since Big Papi's "This is our fucking city" no other random "fuck" outburst holds the same shock and awe factor. I bet you today he's the guy walking around the Chiefs facility not saying "Hey lets get to work to win a championship" he's the one going "Hey did you see what I did during the post game celebration? Aren't I outrageous?" Speaking of that....

This was the real moment everyone rolled their eyes unless you're a Chiefs fan. Look I get it, as a Chiefs fan you love this, you're supposed to love this. You're going to the Super Bowl for the first time in like 50 years, your star player is talking about partying. But for the rest of the world it's just a big eye roll. Rob Gronkowski was authentic, whatever he did you knew it was real. After a game Gronk went home and did just more Gronk things I would assume. I feel like Kelce is the guy who goes home, gets on his ten burner accounts and tweets about this non-stop saying how much cooler he is than Gronk ever was. This doesn't even hold a candle to "yo soy fiesta." I'm waiting to see what Kelce tries to do to the Lombardi trophy if heaven forbid he ever gets his hands on it. Gronk dented last years as we all know, Kelce no doubt will attempt to do something similar. I also hope the Beasty Boys hate the Chiefs like I do, and despite the free publicity tell Kelce to stuff it and to never quote them again like when the Dropkick Murphy's told Jonathan Papelbon he couldn't use their song anymore when he left the Red Sox in free agency.

And not to mention but Nantz came over to Mathieu and Kelce in what seemed to be an after thought. Go back to last years AFCCG for the Pats, Nantz talks to the owner, coach and QB. I'm sure that is the go to, ideal order and situation for the TV productions. For the Niners and Fox it was Owner, GM, Coach, Raheem Mostert and QB. Makes sense the GM John Lynch and coach Kyle Shannahan turn it around in just three years give them some credit. And Mostert was the MVP of the game, and Jimmy G handed the ball off really well but still this is the NFL gotta talk to the QB. But Nantz acted as though he was wrapping it up, basically was just saying congrats which makes me wonder if CBS wanted to just talk to Mathieu, the anchor of the defense and Kelce again just inserted himself into it to try and steal the spot light yet again. I am not looking forward to Super Bowl media day with this guy.

Speaking of Jim Nantz, boy was he happy the Chiefs won yesterday. I think he was getting tired of seeing the Patriots on conference championship weekend and going to the Super Bowl. And I'm not here saying he hates the Patriots he is a national broadcaster and one of the great ones, but he has to be a fan of football like everyone else and unless he's a Patriots fan then he is ready for this run of dominance to be over. Last year the game winning call in the AFCCG sounded like he was calling it when he head down on the desk in front of him as if to say "god dammit are you kidding me, again with these guys?" He was also the one who sparked the national debate on how the overtime rules need to be changed because Mahomes never got to see the ball in OT. That was about the third thing he said, "pats go back to the super bowl, third straight year, Mahomes never saw the ball!" And last week with the Chiefs down 24-0 to the Texans I could hear the dread in Jim's voice at the thought of having to call a Texas/Titans AFCCG. And look part of it too is sometimes as a biased broadcaster you're suckered into the atmosphere of the home crowd. If you have no affiliation to either team you're not going to yell and scream when the crowd is silent and the visiting team does something huge, but you will get swept up in the emotion when the home team does something big. So tough to blame Nantz but he's certainly been a Chiefs fan lately.

3) Tyreek Hill

I mean has there been anyone who has gotten away with more than this walking pile of garbage? We all know about him beating his pregnant girlfriend and breaking his son's arm and somehow just completely getting away with it. I mean this summer I kept seeing it was unlikely that he was ever going to play NFL football again, a far cry form actually being a full part of the Chiefs offense. If he plays for the New England Patriots you just know his career is finished. And I know the NFL ran it's investigation on him and other bullshit but we all know an NFL investigation is as reliable as a Steve Scott three pointer.

And to think Chiefs fans use Aaron Hernandez as an excuse for Tyreek Hill. We're there red flags about Hernandez? Sure, but there are those same red flags about plenty of players who then straighten out to be a great player. You trying to tell me Randy Moss didn't have red flags? And as soon as the Patriots learned he was arrested on charges of murder, they cut him. They didn't even wait to hear about any of the evidence or to even see if the charges would stick, they cut his ass as soon as soon as humanly possible. In fact it was probably simultaneous push messages on your phone "Aaron Hernandez arrested for murder", "Patriots release tight end Aaron Hernandez." Not only that but Robert Kraft allowed fans to return their Hernandez jerseys for any other Patriots jersey. The Hernandez argument towards the Patriots ethics has always bugged me. It's a completely hindsight argument, no one had any clue as to what Hernandez was doing off the field and if you say you do then you either also belong in prison or you're lying. Anyways back to Tyreek Hill, he also did this yesterday

How is this not bigger news? OBJ did this and everyone lost their freaking minds! An Ole Miss receiver did this, got a flag, they missed the extra point, lost the Egg Bowl to Mississippi State and got their coach FIRED. Tyreek Hill does it and no one says a peep! I really truly do not understand how this guy constantly acts like this, beating women and children and pretending to be a dog pissing and yet he's praised as a great receiver and nothing else! Can you imagine if Antonio Brown did this? The internet would literally catch on fire. But Hill is saved by the Chiefs being the media darlings of the league. No one will comment on this because it won't get clicks or ratings, the media doesn't want to tear down Kansas City like they do New England. So whatever despicable act Tyreek Hill does today gets swept under the rug but lets make sure we dedicate a segment towards how many games should Julian Edelman be suspended for jumping on the hood of a car or should he simply be banned for life from football? Much more reasonable.

And what is the point of this? How is this a celebration? It's not a cool dance move, it's not an interesting or clever teammate collaboration it's literally you getting on all fours and pretending to be a dog taking a piss. I truly do not understand the need to do this for football players I just don't. I scored a touchdown once in high school football, you want to know what I did? I put up a number one as I crossed the goal line, ran to the back of the end zone just to make sure I scored, I did not want to be the idiot who stopped at the five thinking he scored. Hugged all of my teammates, and handed the ball back to the ref, actually fumbled it trying to give it back to him because I was so fucking excited. Never once did I think to myself "I should pretend to piss like a dog." Anyways, Tyreek Hill is not a good human being, rant over, thanks for listening to my Ted Talk.

4) Patrick Mahome's Girlfriend

I refuse to use her name because I don't care to learn her name. The only sway she holds on the world is that she dates Patrick Mahomes. And look I am all for women doing whatever men can, I am married to a woman who is about to become a pharmacist. I have no issue saying that she is a hundred times smarter than I will ever be, so it's not that. And it's nothing to do with Patrick Mahomes. I think he is a fantastic quarterback. He is Uber-talented. Watching the AFCCG in person last year was unreal to be able to watch him make the plays and throws that he did. You are constantly left sitting there saying how the hell did he do that. Football in person isn't really that much better than on TV, except for the atmosphere. Unlike baseball where you can get a feel for how hard they can throw the ball or hit the ball. Although NBA basketball is by far the best experience when comparing TV to the real thing, it's not even close, an NBA basketball game in person is incredible. But I digress, I like Patrick Mahomes, he's well spoken, could act like he has it all figured out and doesn't. The only knock on him is his Kermit the Frog voice but come on people he was born with that he can't change that, we're stuck with the voices we were born with. The only decision I question of his is his taste in women. And my god is his girlfriend annoying. And today she's getting praise, and the people in my corner are being shamed for shaming a supportive girlfriend. Look there is being supportive and then there is trying to use the "support" of your significant other for your own personal gain and that is what she is doing. Now look she and Mahomes have been dating since 10th grade so she's been around for awhile, this isn't something new but now that she has seized the spot light her true colors are showing.

My dislike in her started when I suppose her fame did, the Patriots/Chiefs game on December 8th this year where the refs cost the Patriots a chance at tying the game late. She claimed she had to be moved to a suite to avoid being harassed by Pats fans. Which like I said earlier I am sure Gillette is not an exactly welcoming place for all. The games I have been to, where my Dad's season tickets are is a group of a bunch of season ticket holders that all sit together and know each other well so there are never any issues. But this lady has also proved that she is the type of person that wants to make sure you know who she is.

I mean are you trying to tell me if this was in the row in front or behind you, or right next to you, you wouldn't be annoyed? I sure as hell would be. If you go on the road to an opponents stadium you sit there and shut the fuck up, yes you can cheer for your team but be respectful about it, don't jump up and scream bloody murder for every first down. If I did this at Arrowhead, I would totally expect to get the shit kicked out of me, yet somehow she thinks she is the victim? Come on now. Also the final statement "All those people who doubted us and hated on us blah blah blah" Does she not remember the Chiefs were down 24-0 in that game? That's not exactly uncredited doubt or hate you dipstick.

And lets not forget this deleted tweet beauty.

I mean reign her in a little bit there Patty, this is just crazy talk nonsense. I mean this is the face of Chiefs football....

And this is the face of Patriots football

EASY choice for me.

5) Terrell Suggs

A late addition to the Chiefs but he is on the Chiefs football team and collects paychecks with their logo on it none the less. Remember early in the decade Suggs vs. Uggs. Suggs was on First Take constantly arguing with Skip Bayless about god knows what. He had his stupid "Ball so Hard University"

No dude you went to Arizona State. Even Al Michaels was like "GTFO Numb nuts"

That and Terrell Suggs was a big character in the second season of the HBO show Ballers and actually was basically what he is in real life.

I mean was The Rock just ad libbing here? Probably, and he was right on every point. Not to mention but they never call him Terrell Suggs, only Sizzle or Sizz for short. Which was not an NFLPA thing since they referenced plenty of real life NFL stars on this show. But that had to be Terrell Suggs asking to be only referred to as Sizzle on the show which turned out to be even dumber than the idea itself.

I get it, he was trying to make his own brand at the height of his career with Ball So Hard University and calling himself Sizzle. But the problem is just because you're a star Athlete you can't make up dumb brand names and expect people to buy in.

There are a few more reasons as to why I hate the Chiefs but these are the main ones. An "entitled for no reason" fan base, Travis Kelce being a douche, Tyreek Hill being a walking pile of stool, Patrick Mahome's girlfriend being insufferable and Terrell Suggs being a dumbass. Go Niners baby.