The GOAT Spongebob Episode

Our nation some say is as divided as ever, which I find pretty hyperbolic to say seeing as I am writing this blog about a kids cartoon show and not marching off to fight Robert E Lee and the confederacy. But there is no division in this country when it comes to Spongebob Squarepants, it is universally loved by all. It is so loved by me that I quote it probably more often than I should and it drives my wife absolutely nuts. But I will say I dropped the quote "Would you like more cheese on that sir?" from the episode where Squidward turns the Krusty Krab into an elegant restaurant and all Spongebob can remember is fine dining and breathing. But she laughed so hard for the next 15 minutes because of that quote, showing that even people who don't love and adore Spongebob can still appreciate it's beauty.

With that however I will be unveiling my pick for the top 10 greatest Spongebob episodes of all time. Now I am picking the actual stories and independent episodes themselves not the two that are played together when they air on TV. With that however please realize this is my list, yours could be totally different and more than likely any episode could be in the top 10 but these are mine.

10) Shanghied

This episode is the one where the Flying Dutchman drops an anchor on Spongebob's house which he claims that the sky had a baby. Squidward and Patrick get involved and climb the anchor to find the Flying Dutchman's ship. He then tells them they are now part of his ghostly crew. Squidward obviously wants nothing to do with it so he gets tossed into the "Fly of Despair" a zipper that is attached to what seems to be a portal to a nightmare dimension. Anyways, Spongebob and Patrick agree to be part of the crew and who could forget Leedle Leedle Leedle Lee

Who could forget, "Those guys are dorks." "Yes but they're my dorks."

And of course the end of the episode is perfect too with the perfume department that we all remember walking through when we tagged along with our mom's to JC Penney at the Warwick Mall.

And of course Patrick's expert negotiating skills, he is the Scott Boras of Bikini Bottom.

Great episode, what a way to kick off our top ten list, we only play the hits here.

9) Rock Bottom

Classic *rasberry* Spongebob *rasberry* episode. Taking the wrong bus to Rock Bottom where there isn't just darkness but advanced darkness....

One thing I will point out about this episode is how lousy the public transportation is around Bikini Bottom. Granted Spongebob did Myles Garrett the bus driver at the start of this episode over 50 cents.

Assault.

But seriously he keeps missing the bus and the bus seemingly is doing it on purpose. Being a bus driver must be a close knit group in Bikini Bottom and Spongebob was put on the do not drive under any circumstances list.

Anyways the best part of this episode is the end, when one of the Rock Bottom natives helps Spongebob out of there by blowing up his balloon so he can fly out of there. Spongebob tries to thank him with the Rock Bottom classic accent and then the guy responds with a completely normal "You're Welcome."

Absolutely pure comedy. honestly without that line this probably isn't a top ten episode. And I'm sure it goes right over younger kids heads but as an adult this joke is perfect.

Side Note: You ever watch these Bikini Bottom Mysteries? These are great and bring up some valid points, I wonder if it's the show writers poking fun at themselves. They're pretty funny, here's the one for Rock Bottom.

8) Club Spongebob

Like I said we are all going to have different opinions on this and I feel like this is one of those. The Magic Conch shell episode just hits a certain spot for me. First off lots of nose shaming on Squidward in this episode. And also the fact that they listen to and praise a copyrighted magic conch shell and that it works is awesome.

The best part of this episode for me is the end, the ranger guy who ends up saving them. He acts all serious when he meets them and even questions the idea of the magic conch shell and then turns all goofy when he says "YOU MEAN LIKE THIS" God that kills me every single time.

7) Krusty Krab Training Video

A pure classic, and no episode really like it. It covers so many bases, from the fact that the Krusty Krab use to be a retirement home called the Rusty Krab. That Mr. Krabs has a fear of robot overlords. I am sure most of us wish we had a "I really wish I wasn't here right now button."

But all of those are second fiddle to the mantra that has over taken Hakuna Matata as a way of life, and that is P.O.O.P.

People

Order

Our

Patties

And then of course the Squidward and Patrick scene is great, from Patrick hearing the voice over guy, to unable to decide what to order, to squidward reminding him to get a Krabby Patty just to instinctually ask is that for here or to go.

And no one can forget the Hoopla guy.

6) Wet Painters

This one oddly enough is in the same pairing of episodes as the KK Training Video. How did our young brains not explode when we first watched these two together? Anyways we all know the story, Mr. Krabs asks Spongebob and Patrick to paint the inside of his house for him, he warns them that the paint is permanent and if they get it on anything he would literally cut off their asses and mount them to his wall, weird flex but ok. Anyways they get paint on his first ever dollar, they make it worse, Eugene comes home finds out and then reveals that the paint comes off with some simple saliva.

Not exactly a Twilight Zone brain buster of an episode but it's the jokes in this one that make it stick. Everything with the paint bubbles is fantastic. Patrick using an axe to open the can of paint, Patrick pulling out a huge amount of nose hair, running out of timecards, blowing up the giant paint bubble. This is over 2 minutes of nothing but comedy.

Any ways here is a 5 minute recap, it doesn't have all of the great jokes but it gets the message home. This is a great episode.

Oh yeah and then enjoy this great one from the end of the episode.

5) Idiot Box

Oh man we are into the top five now. And this one is certainly top five worthy, everyone and their mothers know this episode, Idiot Box is more known as the Imagination episode.

So SpongeBob and Patrick buy a TV which at the time was probably retailed at ohhhh $801. Gotta remember my Price is Right training from all of those days I faked being sick to stay home from school. And they only wanted the box to which Patrick admitted he didn't think the plan was going to work. They give Squidward the TV for free so that they can play with their imaginations in the box. Squidward hears very realistic sounds about their adventures

And he can't figure out how they make the sound effects work.

He also can't relax and enjoy his giant brand new television.

Squidward finally decides to go in the box and give it a try and says he wants to go to Robot Pirate Island which apparently is a war zone but none the less sounds like fun.

Anyways Squidward finally uses the box by himself and thinks he's driving a race car but it's actually just a garbage truck making the noises. What's wild about this episode is one how a TV show is promoting the idea that you don't need a TV to be entertained and how sometimes the most realistic and fun you can have come straight out of your brain. And second how Squidward laughs off the idea of "Imagination" yet it's his own imagination that torments him the entire time. This episode is actually kind of a mind fuck when you step back and look at it.

4) Camping Episode

Lets just get the first thing out of the way here, one of the best songs in Spongebob, ladies and gentlemen, I give to you, the Campfire Song Song

As Smash Mouth once said "we hit the ground running" the premise of this episode may be stupid, but it's also dumb.

Any respectable Spongbobber, that's what us die hard fans call ourselves, know what not to do to attract a Sea-Bear.

Don't wave around a flashlight, flashlights are their natural prey

Don't stomp around, they take that as a challenge.

Don't ever eat cheese. Cubed that is, sliced is fine.

Don't wear your sombrero in a goofy fashion, or clown shoes, or a hoop skirt

and never ever screech like a chimpanzee.

Also be sure to draw an anti Sea-Bear circle, not an oval it has to be a circle. Squidward Tentacles, the ultimate outdoorsman.

3) CHOCOLATE With Nuts

This episode is the ultimate tool guide if you want to become an entrepreneur.

Spongebob and Patrick are off to be living fancy by selling chocolate bars. Their first customer however turns out to be a complete psychopath for Chocolate

After some brainstorming at a local diner where they remember sex sells but decide to save that for when they sell real estate. And remember that being mediocre is special.

They figure out that advertising is all about stretching the truth. Which brings up one of the better funnier scenes in the whole show where they try and sell chocolate to an ancient woman who apparently take out on a date later?

This episode was an instant classic and has stood the test of time. Everyone knows what you mean when you scream CHOCOLATE at the top of your lungs, this is what makes Spongebob beautiful.

2) My Pretty Seahorse

It's honestly to me maybe the pound for pound funniest episode all around of Spongebob and has my all time favorite joke of the show inside of it. First Spongebob finds a Seahorse and names it Mystery, should have named it Debbie though.

He also nails a sea horse impression perfectly despite what Mr. Krabs says.

This joke also maybe went over our heads as younger kids.

Not to mention the running gag with onions making you cry during the whole episode.

Not to mention this line which is down right hilarious and the fact that Patrick just accepts it and takes it is the funniest part.

Ok now onto my favorite joke in the entire show, from this episode, the joke is the clip below.

It doesn't seem like much, seems like the "Stupid, dumb animal" joke should be funnier but think about it with context from the show. Squidward asks where the order is on an empty tray. Spongebob blankly asks him if he looked under the tray and Squidward says "oh no I didn't sorry" Which means there was one time where Squidward yelled at Spongebob about no order being there yet looked like a jerk because the entire time it was under the tray as ridiculous as that sounds. And then Squidward apologizing to Spongebob who he berates , doesn't like, and constantly thinks he is an idiot says "oh no I didn't sorry" and checks. When you think about it a throw away line like that is so damn funny. Maybe I'm over thinking what's suppose to be a mind numbing children's TV show but it just makes me laugh every time I think about it.

Totally unrelated to this episode entirely this might be my second favorite joke from Spongebob. God dammit I'm cracking up watching this clip over and over.

1) Band Geeks

The top spot on my list, the coup de gras of all Spongebob episodes. It had to be this one, it couldn't have been any other episode. Band Geeks, or as many of you know it the Sweet Victory episode. I mean there are just so many great scenes from this episode starting with Squidwards terrible clarinet playing

to the flag twirlers achieving flight but ultimately giving their lives for the greater good of the marching band.

Patrick's kicking, which his yell in the distance is absolutely hilarious.

Also we learned at a young age that both mayonnaise and horseradish are not instruments, and who says this isn't an educational program?

Playing so loud so that you actually sound good

Spongebob trying to teach all of us what would Jesus do and to turn the other cheek. But who would want to listen to the yellow cheese preach to us?

It also had the most inspirational speech about being in a marching band for some guy in an ambulance

And of course, what you all actually came here to see, the Sweet Victory song.

Anyways that is my list for the top 10 greatest Spongebob Squarepants episodes of all time. Shout out to Steve Scott who helped me with my decision on a few of these, there are so many good episodes. With that mentioned this list isn't exactly up for debate, I'm not saying this is a definitive list, we all have our favorites compared to others and I left out so many. I know there are a lot of people who absolutely love the Pizza Delivery one that you won't find on here, maybe I will have to make another list of SpongeBob episodes someday but this is what I have for today. I left out a bunch of classic episodes like the F.U.N. one, the bully, the new student, dying for pie, bubble buddy, frankendoodle, all of the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy episodes there are just too many to count. So again this isn't for a debate this is more here so that we can appreciate SpongeBob Squarepants together.